Well, do you?
Our society is constantly telling us we aren’t good enough. Society’s standards will categorize you as:
Too FAT.
Too SKINNY.
Too DARK.
Too LIGHT.
Too DUMB.
Too SMART.
Too UGLY.
Too PRETTY.
I can’t forget my favorite…
Too GOOD TO BE TRUE!
With all these destructive messages and noise, how can you really love yourself? To love yourself means knowing you are uniquely and perfectly made just as you are. Take a moment and let that sink in. You are uniquely and perfectly made just as you are. I bet your stress level went down a notch by just reading that. Alright, so now you might be saying, “Great, I must love myself because I already know that.
Well, let’s look at some behaviors which might prove otherwise.
You Stop Doing What’s Important to You
When you don’t love yourself, you stop doing things that are important to you. It’s easy to get consumed with work, family, religious obligations, helping others, and not prioritizing things that are important to you. While all of those things are significant and should be prioritized, they should not prevent you from doing what’s important to you. When you stop doing what’s important to you, you are basically saying there are more important things in your life than you. Be clear, I’m not saying neglect those things. However, if you can’t take 30 minutes within a 24-hour period to do what you enjoy (biking, walking, singing, painting, etc.) you don’t really love yourself.
You Make Others’ Dreams More Important Than Yours
We all have dreams we want to see come true. Whether your dream is to have a baby, a new car, a vacation or a new business. Those dreams are often tied to the unique gift(s) you have been given to fulfill your purpose. Unfortunately, you can easily put your dreams on the back burner because of the necessities of life.
As humans, we are driven towards success. Therefore, when we find ourselves in a period of time when our dreams aren’t progressing, we often put our energy and time in someone else’s dreams. It could be a spouse, friend, family member or boss. There is nothing wrong with helping and supporting another person’s dreams. We all need support and encouragement! However, if you aren’t putting in the same amount of time and energy into making your dream(s) come true, you don’t really love yourself.
You Start Compromising Your Values
Values are the principles used to navigate and operate in life. They begin to form in childhood based on the direction and guidance of your caregivers. As you grow and progress into adulthood, you might decide to change certain values because they don’t seem right for what works best for your life. The problem comes when you start compromising your values for the benefit of someone else. It could be a supervisor who is content with cheating the system to ensure the team meets the metrics needed to get the yearly bonus. Maybe the person you are dating wants you to consume alcohol to make him or her feel more comfortable in a particular setting or something else. Once you start compromising the values you hold dear to your heart to appease someone else, you don’t really love yourself.
You Try to Prove You Can & Should be Loved
We all want to be loved. Moreover, we all deserve to be loved without strings attached! Unfortunately, because of the messaging, I mentioned at the beginning, which can cause self- doubt, we forget we deserve unconditional love. Thus, we go on a futile journey of trying to prove to others we can and should be loved. A prime example is when a person tells someone a relationship is over, and the jilted individual does everything to keep the relationship going. I’ve been that person trying to do everything in my power to make the person see I should be loved. What I didn’t realize then was there was nothing I could have done or should have done to prove I could be loved. True love can’t be persuaded, manipulated or bought. If you find yourself trying to prove to someone you can and should be loved, you don’t really love yourself. And if you don’t love yourself, how will you know when someone really loves you for you?
Remember you are worthy of love because you are enough. Not when this or that happens, but right now.
If you are having difficulty or need some assistance getting back on the path to really loving yourself, feel free to reach out.
