How to Finally Get Closure After A Failed Relationship

It’s a question I get all the time. “How do I get closure?” The questioner will exclaim: “the person I’m dating, love, or in a relationship with won’t call or text me back.” Romantics are searching for a simple answer to this complicated query, but they get upset with me when I tell them the truth.

Recently, I was talking to a friend who was going back and forth with a person who wasn’t giving him closure. I had to first get my friend to see what he had just told me. My friend was mentally, emotionally and physically ill. All because the person he was “in a relationship with” kept coming in and out of his life.

I’m known to be quite direct and to the point. So I said, “No, you keep letting this person come in and out of your life! We’ve been talking about this same situation for how many months now? It’s the same pattern. The person comes back and you are on “Cloud 9”. Then the person leaves and you feel sad, hurt and say this is the worst pain you’ve ever felt. “But the person came back,” you say? No, you let the person come back.”

Getting the Closure You Deserve

After clearly articulating the recurring toxic pattern between my friend and the person he was in a relationship with, I told him what I’d tell anyone trying to get closure. “Stop expecting someone else to give you something you can only give yourself.

It would be ideal for adults to sit down and discuss why a relationship isn’t mutually beneficial and what each person contributed to its demise. Sadly, that doesn’t always happen. Instead, one individual in the relationship keeps seeking an answer to what can be done to make things work. When that answer doesn’t come and that person has finally had enough, he or she will want to finally end the relationship. At that moment, the other person intentionally or unintentionally does something making it appear the relationship is back to normal. Thus, the cycle begins again.

The media has given us the fantasy that there is only one true star-crossed lover for us. I call BS! It’s that exact thinking that keeps us in toxic relationships and doesn’t allow us to give ourselves the closure we need. Don’t settle for dysfunction! Another individual can never give you the closure you need. You have to decide enough is enough and you have to end the relationship whether that person comes back or not.

Stop expecting someone else to give you what you can only give yourself.

A.D. Burks

Once I get people to realize closure only occurs when they allow it, I hear, “But I love him/her!” Okay, I love a couple of the people who I’m no longer in a romantic relationship with. However, I had to learn to love them from afar. We hear the statement all the time, “Love never dies!” That may be true. However, toxic relationships need to end! If you truly love a person, especially if you love yourself, you have to let certain relationships go.

Unfortunately, so many of us don’t love ourselves. We are so unhappy with our lives we focus on another person to the point where that individual becomes our source of happiness. Focus instead on your purpose and get back to prioritizing the things you want in life. Once you are happy with yourself and being by yourself, create a list of the realistic traits that you need from a healthy mate. Only then will you be able to start your journey towards finding someone that has them.

If you need assistance getting your relationships to a healthy place, feel free to schedule a free consultation.

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